I am in pain... big time pain.... Remember a few weeks back when I went to the E.R because of severe pain.... It happens often... really often... I try so hard not to complain because I wanted I these babies more then anything and I knew the actual carrying of the babies was going to be hard on me, (not any of the silly pregnancy side effects, just in general). Of curse I would do it all over again to be able to have my sons, but I had no idea at the time how much pain I had in store...
My friends and family always ask how I am feeling and I always answer "fine" or "great" I really am, I am soooo happy to be having the boys and I usually keep this part between Pat and I ... but I just have to let it out... It hurts terribly and it scares me...
Ever since my first stomach surgery back in 2001 my body produces these adhesion's where my organs stick together... I have had them removed 6 times since to help ease the pain. The problem with these is that they grow back. My most recent surgery was last January and the surgeon did a great job removing what she could but there is no way to get them all and of course its been over a year so I am sure some of them have grown back. With the babies getting bigger they put a lot of pressure throughout my belly which of course really pulls on these parts that are fused together... my left side is where it comes from the most but occasionally it will be other places.
In the beginning when the pain would start I could usually find some relief by laying down or moving around but that doesn't help any more......
Today (technically yesterday???) has been absolutely horrible. I was in tears all day and nothing seemed to be help. I can't tell you in words how much this hurts because its really unlike anything I have experienced before. Overall I have gained a pretty substantial pain tolerance from all of the procedures in past, but this brings me to my knees and I am scared to death what the rest of my pregnancy will feel like as these boys get bigger.
I took some tylenol in the afternoon and it just didn't get any better... at about 10:00pm I took a left over RX pain pill from my cerclage and figured I could try to sleep it off....no luck... I played on the internet until about 2:00am... just laid there tossing and turning until 4:30am when I gave in and took 2 more RX pain pills (the bottle says 1-2 every 6 hours but I try not to take to much medication especially heavy duty stuff) and it hasn't even made a dent in the pain... at 5:30am I have given up. I can't sleep... it hurts too bad and I felt bad for keeping Pat awake so I came downstairs made some breakfast and I am starting off the day with not one minute of sleep from last night.
I could go to the E.R. but there is nothing they can do for me except give me stronger pain meds...right now I am just trying to get through it but if it doesn't ease up by this evening I will have to go.
In all of this, at least I know its just me suffering, the boys are fine which at this point is all I care about. They have been moving all over the place.... THAT is amazing no matter what hurts.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit.................
~Heather
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Oh Heather, I am sooo sorry that you are in such pain. How hard, to feel so much pain yet know you wouldn't change it for the world. I hope this eases for you...
ReplyDeleteI've stumbled over what more to say...writing and erasing- cause theres not much I can say that you haven't already pondered. The boys, once in your arms, will erase the pain. Just doesn't make it any easier in the here and now.
All I can say is ditto to what your friend just said. I am so sorry Heather. I have been wondering about the pain episodes ever since you first wrote about them but when no more news came I was hoping that perhaps they had subsided a bit. It's bittersweet really. One the one hand it is such a blessing to have these 2 amazing lives growing inside of you, yet on the other hand it has been an incredibly painful experience for you. Your fear is justified and you have a right to those feelings. I would be scared too if I were in your shoes. I continue to pray for you and those babies every day (Ronan too in his bedtime prayers)! Hang in there the best you can...if you have to rely on some extra medications to survive the pain, do it. The doctor's would not let you take them if it was going to be harmful to the babies so in this case, you just have to do what you can to get through each day...one day at a time. Miss you all!
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