A year.....

Ugh it is nearing that time again.... it is almost my birthday.... Some people love having birthdays I however am not all that fond (minus gifts from the hubby... those are always fine).. it means one year older... this year I am crossing into a new decade, that's right folks the big 3-0. Good lord!!!

I am a big ponderer... I really use this time to reflect and look at whats happened in a years time. Some people like to do this at New Years, I always throw together a resolution but really I like to do the big reflections at my birthday. I have a list of "things I want to accomplish". Each year I update it, some I have done, some I keep on there in hopes of accomplishing the following year.... and some that have been on there for YEARS I should probably hop to :)

On the list last year of course was to finally have a baby... if my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and mother-in-law remember, over some FANTASTIC fajitas from Cody's, I also mentioned this happened to be my New Years resolution this year as well..... even though Pat said it wasn't a true resolution.. I was sticking to it... I will save weight loss for 2011 hahahaha... (sidenote seriously I would saw off an arm to have a fajitas from there right now... apparently, its the only restaurant they don't have in the D.C. area)

So anyways, this time last year we had 3 IVF's fall through at this point... There was supposed to be one in Jan, then April then June.... which was probably the worst since I had already gotten my medication and dates for transfer of the embryos... When you are dealing with a hormonal mess like I was, and I thought it would finally be our shot at having our baby... lets just say.... it was rough when it got canceled, especially just before my birthday.

My birthday brought so much fear and resentment last year because the statistics for IVF is that a 28 year old has the absolute best chance (there is a spike there, so a 28 year old would have a better shot then say a 23 year old) of having success.... and with the 3 canceled cycles I would officially be 29 at the time of my treatment. To a normal person its just a few months... whats the big deal right??? Well anyone who has been through IVF will tell you.. at this point you really aren't dealing with a "normal" person, emotional and hormonal really is a much better way to describe it... and at 29 I was beginning on the slippery downwards slope of IVF fertility (ok...really it starts going downwards at 32 but again I was not a rational "normal" person ) ... So I was a bit sad and Pat really, really did his best to make sure I had a great day.... Presidential Suite at a fabulous hotel, nicest one I have ever seen in real life... if you know my husband you will know this is a BIG DEAL since he is known for being a Priceline.com hotel guy and never likes to spend more then say $35 a night... bugs are cool right??? Don't mind the blood stain on the walls... they are no biggie... you can imagine my amazement when he took me to the suite... I totally thought it was a joke... and was waiting to see our "real" room... it was very very sweet of him, although he made me promise to not get used to it :)

So our IVF didn't happen until October... we were both sooooo excited waiting for that one baby to come and complete our family.... yes I said one... we had planned on everything going fantastic and only transferring one embryo. If you had a great embryo, the clinic likes to just transfer one, the success rate was 85%, which is awesome for IVF. This made Pat happy because at the time, he only wanted one baby. So the day we got to transfer we found out that instead of A grade we had B's so they would be transferring 2.... they assured us these were still great little embryos and we still had a great chance of success and then they handed us a picture of our "babies". It was amazing to see the change in my husband in seconds... he went from wanting one child to immediately wanting two... wanting them both to live and become our babies... The drive home we talked about our "twins" and what it would be like... You can imagine how upset we were when it didn't work. I was a wreck, Pat was upset but did a great job at holding it together for me... and he was my rock through a very crappy time...

So we got our follow up and new plan of attack... and of course you all know how that has worked out... We really are having our "twins" and we are both sooooooo excited to finally have our family.

It kind of makes me laugh because I remember being in high school and planning out my life... thinking I would have 3 kids by the time I was 30... Well I am soon to be 30 and I am pregnant with 2, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Being on bed rest makes having lots of fun to celebrate kind of out of the question, there will be no awesome hotel or weekend trip... however my sweet sweet husband did offer to move the couch to the other side of the room to give me some new scenery :)

Next year I will have sooooooo much to reflect on :) Maybe this 30 stuff won't be so bad after all!!!

~Heather