Picture Time

My sister in law Kristin had asked which baby I thought looked like me... and the answer... neither :) They both look alot like their daddy!!!



Jamison and a few in his new bed :)










Weston's kangaroo time with mommy (he is stuffed inside my shirt with his pj's open so he was right on my chest) and a few of him, his little face and sucking his thumb

Thursday 9/30/10

Gesh... honestly these babies are torturing their parents.......

Let me start by saying, thank goodness that only one baby has a bad day at a time because if they both did... Lord help me I have no idea what I would do.

I got to the hospital for Weston's first visit of the day and it was the worst one I have had since they have been born. He was so alert and happy this morning, his nurse and I got him all set for his bottle, which he normally takes just fine........... not this morning. Just as he started sucking his oxygen level began to drop, at first slowly... his nurse asked if he was "desating" meaning it was actually going lower and not a false alarm which happens occasionally as the baby squirms and I said I don't know, I had taken the bottle out of his mouth and was just waiting, his oxygen went lower, and lower, he began to spell, his heart rate dropped into the 60's (from 140) oxygen down to the 50's from 100 percent and all the sudden the color drained from his face and he turned blue.... It was the worst feeling in the world I was so helpless and poor Weston was struggling so bad, it broke my heart worse then I knew was possible. The nurse tossed him back into his bed, grabbed the bag and the oxygen mask to bring him back and I stood there and watched and prayed.... it was horrible :( Thank God with oxygen he improved (and they didn't use the bag, that... I don't think I could have taken) He was touch and go, up and down for the next hour, his nurse said if it continued they would have to move him back downstairs :( I tried to explain to her that this wasn't normal for him, it was a first (hopefully last). Poor guy, she gave him his pacifier, which he loves, to see if it would remind him to breath and unfortunately it didn't work so she had to take it away and little man did not like that.... I wanted Pat, my Dad, Pat's mom, my mom....anyone, its crazy, as my baby needed me, I needed my parents... although I think I would have settled for a hug from a stranger at that point....

I sat and watched him while I waited for Jamison's time and warned the nurse that if Jamison had a spell while he was eating, I was calling it a day...... I was not going to be able to watch both of them struggle.... I think I am a pretty strong person overall but this breaks my heart.....

Turns out his nurse last night switched the type of nipple on the bottle (her name is Gail and I LOVE her, she is a nurse that tries to work with him instead of giving up and putting his milk in the feeding tube) and he did sooooo much better. The nipple mimics breastfeeding and although the flow is faster it sits differently in his mouth and I think this may be the trick for him. His nurse feed him in the morning and I feed him twice later and he didn't have one spell (thank you, thank you, thank you). Being the big boy he is, he is now able to regulate his body temperature so........ my little munchkin graduated into an open crib!!! Yay Jamison!! No more isolette for you!

Anyways back to my little guy... after a quick lunch and pumping break I was back for his later visit (scared to death to touch him) and I walked in to find... him doing physical therapy... He was acting as if the whole morning fiasco never happen (easy for you buddy) and he did really well... he was super alert and right on target from what she said. They did recommend a Speech Therapist evaluation........ Yes I think this sounds crazy too... the baby won't be able to talk for 2 years or so, however they said they can really look at his tongue and how it works and possibly recommend a different type of nipple (maybe the one Jamison is on or it could be another) to help him with his feedings in hopes to avoid a repeat of this mornings events... Fingers crossed they can help my little peanut.

In other news.... for anyone who has never nursed... something I find interesting..... after a shower and you are all clean, getting dressed, know that at any given time you boobies may start shooting off like rockets, no warning, doesn't matter if you just pumped and drained those bad boys, its full force fire hose... keep nursing pads, tissue, towels... or a bucket handy :)

Praying tomorrow is a good day!!!

Wednesday 9/29/10

I first want to thank you all for your words of encouragement via blog comments, email, phone calls, I truly appreciate them... brought tears to my eyes.... above all Pat and I are very blessed to have such an amazing support system.

This morning I called to check on my little guy down in his nursery and the nurse put me on hold... comes back on the line to tell me.................. "BOTH CROCKETT BOYS ARE NOW IN 6th FLOOR EAST NURSERY" That right folks my babies are finally together and for the first time I was able to see them next to each other!!! I couldn't have been happier. My little Seabiscuit (lovingly nicknamed by Grandma Crockett) has done so well the last few days he has graduated to the "growers and feeders". Weston is such a fighter and has made big strides the last week, I am so proud of my little peanut.

He had another echo done on his heart today to check on his valve and unfortunately the gel they use for the ultrasound gave him the chills again so I wasn't really able to hold him today, we had to keep him bundled up to help his temp rise. I still had a nice visit though, he was super alert and just looking around... so sweet... some of the best news yet... Weston's valve has closed!!! This is something to celebrate for sure!!!

Jamison, awe my little Jamison.... we tried nursing today (got a little help by adding "shields" those things are FANTASTIC) he did so good and was able to pace himself so much better then he can with the bottle, he really drank quite a bit and had no spells at all. Its funny how I was so nervous and gun shy about nursing and now I fell more confident feeding him that way then I do a bottle. His next feeding we did the bottle and he had just one spell but about half way through he fell asleep so they use the feeding tube... the last feeding we were there for was a bit more frustrating.... Pat tried feeding him, he had a spell (Pat was finished at that point )so I tried and he was doing fairly well, his nurse showed us a few ways to help stimulate him while he is feeding and he did better... he was almost finished and it turned 6:30, this is when the nursery closes for an hour for shift change, typically they let us finish but some clock watching crazy nurse (not his just another one in there) came by and kicked us out... no biggie but instead of finishing his feeding she just put him in his bed and put the rest in his feeding tube... Thats the crappy part about it being there, when the nurses decide to be lazy or they are busy they just put it in the tube instead of working with them... just ticked me off because for the first time today he was taking his bottle well and she didn't give him a chance to finish... the nursery closes to parents, the babies still need to be feed and cared for. Its frustrating but I know he will get better, soon enough he will be drinking the whole thing and crying for more. He also had a physical therapy session today, my sweet little munchkin got a gold star, she said he did great :)

Overall successful day... hoping my little Weston can come out and play tomorrow. Not sure if I can but I am hoping that soon I can hold them both at the same time.... if I get really lucky maybe some kangaroo x 2 :)

Tuesday 9/28/10

Well today is.......... one of those days... not the whole day, more so this evening......

Weston had a FABULOUS day!! I was so excited to see him this morning without his picc line and I was finally able to put some clothes on him. What a little peanut. He is swimming in the preemie outfits but looks so so cute in them. We did a little kangaroo this morning, he took his bottle like a champ this afternoon, had a nice little photo and footprint session with his nurse and got some snuggle time in with his daddy this evening.... overall couldn't ask for better. They even increased the amounts for his feeding so hopefully we can get him nice and pudgy soon :)

Jamison on the other hand..... the "spells" are killing me. He had one small one and one big one this morning during his bottle and I cried.... I know I don't cause them but when it happens when he is in your hands it certainly feels like its my fault... his nurse tried to make me feel better by explaining everything about this developmental stage, but it doesn't really help. I had talked to Pat a bit about it as well and he also tried to make me feel better, also didn't help.... This afternoon during his bottle he had another spell and I threw in the towel, asked the nurse to feed him so I could watch to see if there is anything else I can do to help him.... Basically he drinks so much at once he has to gulp it down and he overwhelms himself, so you really have to pace him and sometimes even when you are he still does it, the suck, swallow, breath is just hard for him, especially when he is tired.... poor baby turns red and pants just to get through it... he used to take his bottle fine but now with so much milk and drinking every bottle he is struggling. So it was no surprise when we went back tonight to find him with a feeding tube :( He was so alert when we were there and he was sticking out his tongue looking for the bottle so the nurse told us to try it out and see how he does... ummmm I was not doing it, so Pat did. The baby started to spell and choke, it was the worse one yet... I can't even tell you how horrible it makes you feel, and now unfortunately Pat felt it too... he said "it just makes my stomach hurt to think I almost choked the baby..." It just there are so few signs before it happens... and even though the nurses say its fine, it just doesn't feel fine.

I am going to be a wreck when the babies come home. I KNOW the hospital won't let them come home until they are strong enough, but still. I have never been much of a worrier with babies, I have taken care of so many and I have been through just about all of the crazy baby related things but nothing can prepare you for preemies. Please let them grow out of this stage soon.

Which brings me to tonight. When we first moved here I had joined a pregnant moms group. There are 12 of us and we were all due about the same time (well over the course of about 8 weeks). Its set up so you all meet and get to know each other while pregnant and then when the babies arrive it becomes a nice playgroup for the little ones and a fun get together for the moms.... So tonight I got an email with the newest additions' photos and a little note about how they are doing and I kind of lost it. Not that I am not happy for her, or for all of the ladies in the group, its just a reminder of what having a newborn typically entails and I just hate seeing my babies have such a hard time doing normal things like, eating, breathing, having their tiny hearts beat. Of course this falls back on me.... if I had just been pregnant a bit longer, neither of the boys would be in this situation... the guilt of having premature babies is tough, it was my job to carry them to term and I wasn't able to. I am supposed to grab some coffee with this group on Thursday but I don't think I can.... not sure if I can make it through seeing all of their babies without getting to upset and as much as I know they care about how my babies are doing, they don't understand. In tonights email there were pictures of her and the baby laying together, the baby taking a bath, the baby sleeping in her bassinet.... none of the things I can enjoy with my little guys... blame it on the hormones or me just being crazy, it just really hit me hard tonight, I just wish I could make them both better.

They have a NICU support group at the hospital that meets on Fridays and from what I hear its very helpful. I think I may try to make it, maybe it will make the next few weeks a bit easier....

Monday 9/27/10

Happy 2 week birthday little men :)

Today was my first all out hospital marathon day and I AM BEAT!!! I started on my way to the hospital at 10am, it usually takes 10-15 min but today with the rain it was 3oish... normally no biggie but I was hoping to grab a muffin (they have the best blueberry muffins I have ever had at the coffee stand) and pump before my 11:00 with Weston, I had it scheduled yesterday with the nurse so I could kangaroo with my peanut.

I am practically running (p.s. just so you all know this momma is back in her pre-preggo jeans, yes they are tight but still.... and high heels, oh how I have missed them hahaha) to get my muffin, they are out, just danishes left so I get nothing and head to pump.... realize I am starving.... I finish and the desk calls back to see if its for me to head into his room, while I am washing to my elbows (scrub in at each visit and in between each baby) his nurse pops out and says his neighbor is getting a picc line so I can't go back for about 15 min........... so I run back upstairs to grab a danish and decide instead on a nice healthy turkey sandwich (clearly labeled, turkey, cheese and lettuce)..... as I am paying the girl puts out a closed signed saying there is a family emergency.... I head back down to eat super fast and see the baby.... open up the sandwich to add some mustard and............ its not turkey.... or any other type of meat, or cheese... it was mystery something salad sandwich, gross and it smelled HORRIBLE... $5 down the tube, and they were closed so it wasn't even like I could switch... UGH!!!! This hospital loves messing with my food :) So I starved till 1:00.... the only bonus is I found out the cafeteria also sells those delicious muffins...........

Here was how the marathon went (minus the little bumps in the road)

10:30- pump
11:00 Weston
12:00 Jamison
1:00-2:00 pump, grab food, meet with the lactation people
2:00 Weston
3:00 Jamison
4:00-5:30 drive home, take care of the dog, pump and pick up Pat, drive back to hospital
5:30-6:00 Weston Daddy gets to spend some time
6:00-6:30 Jamison Daddy gets to spend some time
(Nurseries close for shift change 6:30-7:30)
Home-------and tired

Anyways back to the babies..... I got to see my little Weston without his oxygen!!! His face is so tiny but without all the tape I finally saw it.......... the Crockett Dimples!!! I have hoped that at least one baby would have them and he has the teensiest little dimple... I could eat him up! His fabulous nurse felt so bad about the late start she let me kangaroo 2 times with him today!! I LOVED IT!! He gets so cozy and snuggles right in, its the best.... He is also taking his bottle so well they increased the amount he is allowed to take and..........in other great news........ he is getting his picc line out tonight!!! I am so happy, in the next few days the are going to move him up with Jamison!!! I CAN NOT WAIT to see them side by side... although I may miss all of this running up and down between the 6th floor and the 2nd, it is great exercise... I think I am still carrying a baby in my butt, so far 27 lbs down 18 to go :)

Jamison is doing good... I personally think they are doing to much to soon for him :( They reduced his temp in the isolette to help wean him to a crib, him having to work to keep himself warm is alot for his little body and on top of that his is taking all of his bottles by mouth... he is so tired that he is having spells while he is eating which of course makes me worry so much about him... the poor baby is technically 34 weeks, most 34 weekers are barely taking a bottle.... for pete's sake he isn't even supposed to be born yet :( They were talking about possibly putting his feeding tube back in which I would hate to see, but I hate feeling him go limp in my hand and watch his little heart rate drop, way worse. He just needs some time to get stronger... he never really had spells until they started all of this...

Its really amazing how two tiny people can change your life so quickly, I can't believe just two weeks ago they were in my belly and now I can hold them both and see their little personalities coming out... I just LOVE them to pieces :)

Sunday 9/26/2010

Its Sunday.... tomorrow the boys are 2 weeks old!!! Time really does fly.

We started off with Mr. Weston today, Pat got to give him a bottle for the first time... he was pretty excited and the baby did well. Unfortunately he had 3 "spells" after.... honestly I will never get used to them and I don't think they will ever be less scary.... come on little man you are giving your momma gray hair we have to work on this :( Otherwise we had a nice visit. I went back this afternoon and he was doing awesome, hadn't had any more spells and he took his whole bottle for me... he is a love bug. I wish I had my camera with me, I forgot it when I went back and he was rubbing the back of his little head with his hand, adorable! They took him off of the jaundice lights and his Dr. said they are going to try to have him off of the IV by midweek!!! That means the picc line will come out, that will be a great day! Even better because this is one step closer to having him move into the same nursery as Jamison. I can not wait to see and hold my babies together!!

Jamison is doing pretty well with his feedings all in the bottle and once a day he is nursing. He did have a few "spells" today during his breakfast, he just got tuckered out. The nurses warned me that this may increase now that his feeding tube is gone (if they get to bad they will replace the tube... hoping that doesn't happen) but he came out of them rather quickly. Daddy snuck in some kangaroo time which they both loved of course, and I made it back for a late afternoon visit. Little man didn't have any more spells with his bottles until tonight and she said he just had a small one.. the stronger he gets the less these will happen...

Oh and for todays weigh in..... Weston 3lbs 10oz Jamison 4lbs 5 oz!! I can't believe how much they have grown already!

As promised here are a few pictures of Jamison's whole face :) And just for fun a new hiccup video.. they get pretty loud in the end.

Saturday 9/25/10

So after I was a a wee bit sad yesterday that I was missing out on so much with my little Weston I decided to go in for a super early visit this morning and my favorite nurse for him was on.... she was just getting ready do give him his bottle and............ she let me do it!!! It was so nice to finally get to hold and feed him!! On top of that he did really great. He was allowed between 5-10 ml and he took about 6. While I was there his Dr. popped by for a quick update and she let me know that she was still not really liking his chest x-rays (the blood flow with his heart valve open causes fluid build up) so she ordered another dose of a diuretic to help release some... but otherwise he had a good day. She was going to take him off oxygen as well, mostly because he keeps yanking it off, stubborn little thing. He does great without it but after seeing his x-ray she wants to wait maybe one or two more days. I can not wait to see him when its gone, one less thing on his tiny face :) Of course we came by mid afternoon to see him and then this evening I went back by myself (Pat wasn't feeling well and wanted to be sure he wasn't sick... yes unlike some other NICU parents, he doesn't want to chance infecting 100 preemie babies) and his night nurse was just getting ready to give him his bottle and............ she let me do it too!!!! He was a pro tonight and for the first time drank all 10ml :) I was so happy I was there for this visit he was so alert and awake, just checking everything out, with him finishing his bottle, it was a bonus!! Congrats little guy this was a big accomplishment!

We had such a great visit with Jamison as well today. Daddy feed him his bottle and we both got some good cuddling time in. His Dr. stopped by as well and basically said he was a superstar :) When I got back this evening his nurse had a great surprise for me..... Jamison's feeding tube is gone!!!! She said she would have told me over the phone but since I was coming in she figured I would enjoy the surprise. I can't even tell you how nice it is to finally see his whole itty bitty face... no wire, no tubes just him. He is so precious I just want to eat him up :) He drank his bottle so well and was out like a light. I didn't have my camera with me but tomorrow I will for sure get some pictures of him so you can all see his little face too.... its kind of crazy how one little wire makes such a difference.

So overall it was a home run for the boys today (I must say I kind of needed a day like today and I am so thankful for it). I did get them to coordinate the visiting hours so tomorrow should be a little less hectic with lots more quality time... maybe we can even squeeze in a Kangaroo :)

Friday 2/24/10

Friday already :) Today I will try to keep it short... no really I will try :) I figure pictures speak louder then words so its time to put some new ones up, well those and a short video of our little guy.

Speaking of "little" turns out Jamison's weight they gave e was off yesterday, they had used the wrong scale, he is actually 4lbs 3 oz!!! He has gained 1/2 lb!! Thats alot for a tiny person :) He had a really good day. We started his visit with his first real bath. He loved getting his face washed, loved getting his hair washed, and hated everything else... I have to say that this time with him was the first time I really got to feel like a mom, I finally saw my baby with no wires, no leads, no machines just Jamison and it was just a very special feeling. Having them in the hospital just robs you a bit of the bonding and closeness new parents usually have with their babies, but today I felt it and it melted my heart... I just can't wait to have more quality time with him. We did try a little nursing and his bottle but after all of that he was pooped.... out like a light. However, speaking of poop he blasted his poor nurse today, she said it shot off like a cannon so often today he had gone through his all of his extra clothes... by noon.... he gets that from his daddy :)

The little guy is back under the jaundice lights because his levels are back up :( So we didn't get to hold him today. He had a nice nurse today that moved his feeding tube into his nose out from his mouth to help him learn how to take his bottle a bit better and she said he did really well with it, so good that soon they will let us give it to him.... I have to say it makes me so sad to miss out on these little milestones, being his mom it just doesn't feel right to not be the one that is really caring for him. Now that we are so much more hands on with Jamison it makes me feel so guilty I don't yet have this time with Weston. I know it will all be over soon and we will all be together but it is hard not being able to touch and hold and care for him the way I would like to... he is in good hands and I know that I just wish they were mine :( The Dr has increased his feedings and unfortunately his little belly got distended, they said this could be from more food or from not going potty enough so Weston got suppository #2, it helped get things moving but it hasn't helped with his belly being swollen so they are measuring it to be sure its not getting worse and just keeping a close eye, just hoping that is goes down some by tomorrow... fingers crossed I can hold my baby tomorrow... I miss my peanut :(

The only thing that stinks is they have moved Weston's hands on times to every 3 hours, same ones as Jamison's so it makes it super hard to keep it fair and spend equal time with both babies, we have requested they work on moving them apart by an hour like it was (still every 3 hours but not the exact same times) and so far they have moved 30 min, not enough time to spend with them (although I don't think there is ever enough time) so I am going to try to push for an hour.. .. wish me luck :)

Thursday 9/23/10

Awe ....my big boy was in his new nursery :) After walking in Jamison's nurse gave me about 20 seconds before saying "ok we have the lactation consultant ready lets stick him on your breast..." Ummmmmmmmmmm ok???? I was worried, I can't lie... he is so tiny and has no teeth, why nursing freaks me out so bad I have no idea but I figured it wouldn't hurt to try and nurse lady wasn't leaving a whole lot to discuss so out the boobie came.... along with the warning that he may not be interested or maybe not "get" it.... that was not the case..... little man was all about having some lunch... obviously much more excited for the nursing experience then I was..... but it was nothing like I expected. It didn't "hurt" like I thought it would although I would not call it cozy by all means... I am sure after a little practice both Jamison and I will be a-ok and have this all figured out.. They did tell us though, even with breastmilk, being a preemie both him and Weston will need two bottles of special formula for the next 9-12 months... I think Pat cried a little, he said "ouch, thats going to be expensive" when out the window went his ideas of not having to buy any formula hahahaha :)

My little Weston had a good day, he was soooooo alert when we went and saw him, checking everything out... I love it when his little eyes are open. He only had one "spell" yesterday which was so nice!!! They have increased his feedings again and they moved his feeding tube into his belly... it was all the way into his intestines before so this is a huge improvement to get him closer to eating regular bottles. His nurse was another story... wasn't I just saying who I had liked all of his nurses??? Well not yesterday's. He has that picc line. We have been told to be sure no nurse EVER takes him out without putting the brace on... nurse goes to take him out without it... I say "oh look there is his brace" and she says "he will be just fine without it" Pat and I were a little freaked, the thought of it moving or coming out would be horrible so I called her over and asked her to put it on just to make us more comfy and she did.... so loose it was off in a minute... It so hard when you get to little time with them and we couldn't really enjoy it for fear we would hurt him.... Anyways so I called to see how he had done with his little nibble the give him from the bottle full well knowing that she would say he didn't take it... although he had twice the day before,with fabulous nurses, its just he needs time and patience for someone to work with him and I knew off the bat this girl was not "that" kind so needless to say when I called she said he wouldn't swallow it!! UGH!!! I just wish I could do it myself! Soon they will let me....

The good news is both boys are getting bigger. Yesterday's weights, Jamison has gained 6 ounces!!! He weighs 4 lbs 1 oz :) Weston is getting a little bigger too, he had lost some weight in the beginning but he is back up past his birth weight and he gained one more ounce so he is weighing in at 3lb 8oz... slow and steady wins the race little man :)

Wednesday 9/22/10

Awe my hubby had a half day at work today :) So nice to have him get some good time in with the boys instead of being rushed... even better he has off the next two days (plus the weekend) to get in some nice visits.... oh and just to toot his horn a little... Yesterday when he got off work and looked at me he said "your makeup looks nice today, is it different?" Maybe this means he is a great investigator... or maybe his wife has trained him well but either way I was shocked that he noticed in under 2 minutes, I changed my foundation hahahahaha What a guy :)

My morning visit with the boys was pretty crappy... for different reasons. Jamison- nurses stunk Weston- poor little man (I will get to him in a sec)... at least the second trip back with Pat went better.

So I get to Jamison's bed a few minutes early for our 12:00pm feeding/hands on time. Typically someone comes to check my band (make sure I am not a baby snatcher LOL) nothing- 12:05 no one comes over still... there is a gaggle of nurses yacking about dogs going to weddings and stupid stuff right next to where I am standing... 12:10 still nothing. Poor baby is so alert and chewing on his hands because he is hungry, dirty diaper on the counter so I am not sure if its from his hands on or what... 12:15 ish leader of the wedding discussion (still 2 feet from where I am standing) says, "oh ya I was supposed to feed your baby for Kristen"!!!! Really?!?!? You hadn't noticed me standing here for almost 20 minutes??? I know her name and I knew she wasn't his assigned nurse so I hadn't questioned her when I was standing there, I guess I should have. Eventually his regular nurse comes by and I asked her how his morning bottle went... he said "oh I was busy so I just put it in his feeding tube".... Wow, so what your saying is you didn't even give the poor baby a chance when he is supposed to be learning and weaning off the tube?? UGH!!!! I was ticked, then she shows me his chart for the day and says something along the lines of " see I am a little behind", there was not one mark of pen on that paper and she had been his nurse for over 5 hours, you know they can't remember exact temps for all the babies hours after taking them or any of the other pieces of info- I was a little surprised she even showed me that like hey look I haven't really paid attention to your baby all day oops....but I was much better when I learned he OFFICIALLY GRADUATED to the intermediate nursery :) Say goodbye to those nurses kiddo you are moving on up!!! This one is actually right accross from the room I was in on the high risk pregnancy floor so I got to see some of my old nurses and of course they got to check out the baby :) This nursery is so much more hands on for us. Pat feed the baby his whole bottle and we are now allowed to put him in and take him out of his bed without a nurse... we get to start giving him actual baths in a little plastic basin and she was kind enough to let me know "we can start putting him right to your breast"... Ummmm still a little nervous about this breast feeding stuff. Not sure why, but the giant nipple clamp/torture device/breast pump is much less scary then my little 3 lb baby hanging off the ole tata's. My guess is that I am a bit nervous my gigantic boobs may smother the poor thing.. his head= an orange, my boobs= 2 cantaloupes... you do the math.......... I will keep you posted on how this transpires....

Now for my little guy. I get to Weston (for the record I have been very happy with the nurses in his room) and she is all ready for me :) I go to start the "hands on" with his temp, I unbundle him from his two blankets, he felt a wee bit colder then normal but I don't think anything of it... put his thermometer under his arm (its always done there), time it and pull it out to get the reading and .............. nothing...... it doesn't even register because he is too cold. His nurse tries and same thing.... he had just gotten back from his echo for his heart and they said sometimes the gel they use can cause the baby to get a chill and for some reason he just had a hard time warming himself up (my guess is he needs a lot more fat on his tiny little frame-not a problem I have ever had ) so unfortunately I couldn't hold him, we had to keep him in his isolette to try and warm him up :( But while I was there his nurse let me know they were going to start introducing the bottle with just a tiny bit of milk to see how his sucking goes and how he does with the amount, kind of to be sure he could keep it down. She kept him inside his bed so he stayed warm and tried so I could watch his first bottle (of course I got pictures )It was cute to see him try to figure it out and his nurse was very patient with him. With a little gagging he figured it all out and got it all down, even better, he tolerated everything great, no spit ups at all. When we got back for his second visit he was bundled like a little Eskimo, turns out just as she got his temp up one of the Dr's came by for a look and unbundled him to do the exam and never rebundled so his temp had dropped back to unreadable :( Luckily he had got it back up and held steady so we were both able to hold him... he is such a sweet baby and tolerates all of this stuff so well. Daddy even changed his diaper today which was a big #2 and he just got down to business and actually did the whole thing by himself, well, we had a small casualty when Weston's little peepee went off like a fire hose and he peed all over his shirt and the blankets in his bed, but overall this was Daddy's first big success in the diaper dept :) I guess we can say he graduated today too :) We did get the results back from his echo late this evening and they said there are no changes, so the valve hasn't closed yet. I am not certain if they will be starting him on medication for it or not but I am sure I will find out tomorrow... one good thing I noticed from his notes on the day is he went the whole shift without any "spells". Thank goodness!!! I really hope that is the beginning of the end of those :)

It was great to celebrate the success of Jamison, they were all impressed he was able to get out of the NICU in just 9 days, pretty amazing for how young he is but it still breaks my heart Weston has to fight so hard just for the simple things. I know he will get there I just wish there was more I could do for him :(

Oh.... yes......... the triplet mom.... in case anyone is interested she delivered today... just under 33 weeks she had 3 babies over 5 lbs each!!!!!! Holy cow! No wonder she was so big! especially with all of the extra fluid they each had... pretty amazing. I am sure I will be seeing her around, her Baby C is one of Weston's new roomies.

Tuesday 9/21/10

Another great day for the boys!!

I did my morning call in to see what time would be best to visit Jamison's nurse gave me great news.... he is officially off the IV!!!! No more getting poked over and over thank goodness (his veins are so tiny each IV site only lasted a short while), which also meant he could wear any type of clothes we had for him, feet or no feet :) Lucky for Pat I hadn't gone shopping yet (and I do mean yet because I am sure I will soon) and I had a few preemie sleepers ready to hop on my little guy...
today he wore a green dinosaur sleeper with little "claws" on the feet so cute!! When I got there she also told me they had increased the amount of his feeding and said that they will give him as much through the bottle (instead of the feeding tube) as he will take... once he is strong enough to take all of his feedings by bottle for a period of 24hrs they will remove his tube!!! I got to give him his first bottle and he ate the whole thing!! Daddy did one too, he was a little sleepy but with a little help from the nurse was able to finish that one too! At the end of the day he was able to do 3 out of 4 through his bottle alone (the 4th he was just to tuckered out but he did about 1/2).. what a great first day! I am sure he will be thrilled to get the tube out since he decided to take it out himself earlier... poor kid they had to replace it, but this time through his little nose... They are also working on weaning him to an open crib instead of the isolette. I can't believe how well he is doing, he is a very sweet baby! Oh... and Pat "attempted" to change his diaper, this is his second diaper attempt, he failed, saw a little baby skid mark (not even an actual poo) and threw in the towel... we must work on this :)

Little Weston looked awesome today without the big Cpap on his head and he is doing phenomenally with just the oxygen. Today we had the nurse who loves to let the babies kangaroo so I got to hold my tiny guy for an hour :) LOVED IT!!! He did great minus one of his little "spells". I can say they are horrible to watch but it was even worse this time because he was on my chest and I felt him go limp... awful :( I really look forward to him growing out of these.... although it does seem like the caffeine is helping as they are getting less frequent... baby steps :) He is for sure getting stronger everyday... I wonder how long I will completely baby and spoil him because of his rough start?? I am thinking---minimum 18-25 years???

Monday 9/20/10

Can you believe that a week ago today I was recovering and off to meet out little babies!!! Time really does fly.

I am so so so tired tonight so I will try to keep the post short and then add in lots of pictures.

Jamison is doing great. They have increased his feedings and have added two more bottles to the line up so he is now getting a little bit of bottle 4 times a day!! We will get him nice and chunky in no time :) He is also getting a little jaundice again but they are going to just watch it for a day since he is doing so great eating and going poopoo that he may be able to "fix" it on his own if not they will try the lights again but I am hoping it just gets better all on its own. The other thing new thing, he had a "spell" like his brother where his heart rate dropped (freaks you out I promise) but it was at a time here he was going #2 and they said that can happen from pushing even for full term babies so they weren't worried.

Weston graduated to nasal oxygen this afternoon!!! It was after I left today but I am really looking forward to seeing him without the big thing on his little head... although you will see in the pictures his nurse was kinf enough to let me get some pictures of his face when she was changing the little adapter today :) His poor nose gets swollen from the big ole machine. He was so kind as to give his momma her very first official poopoo diaper (guess the suppository worked) and then after we got him all settled in so I could hold him for a bit I felt an explosion, well I actually heard the explosion :) Needless to say he was doing great! I am hoping for some kangaroo time with this guy tomorrow since he will be able to really snuggle in without the cpap!
The Dr that is overseeing his care is wonderful she came by to see me and pulled up all of his chest x-rays and showed me the improvement and also said that it seemed like his heart was beginning to make the noise as if the valve is closing... I so pray that is the case. He seems to really be making some good strides to getting better. He is still having the "spells" and they started him on a caffeine treatment which helps stimulate them and keep it from happening... all I have to say is this.... I avoided caffeine the whole time I was pregnant to be sure he was healthy and now they are giving it strait to him???? Thats crap :)

As for me I am feeling great!! I am off my presrcibed pain killers from the c-section, got my staples out, the swelling of my feet went down and I have lost 24 lbs so far... not bad for a week although I am sure the next 20 may not be as easy. For this part I will be brave... I am going to do the "back in business" belly shots. I am curious to see how long it takes for my belly to go back so I figure I will photo document the next 4 weeks or so. I have to say I had just about the best compliment I could have got today... while waiting to get the staples out I was chatting with another twin mom who was getting ready to be admitted to the high risk pregnancy ward, where I was, so I was giving her lots of info.... she asked me "so how old are your babies?" and I answered "one week today" and she said... "oh wow you don't look like you just had babies a week ago" :) Yes I LOVE her hahahahaha Here are some pictures, they are a bit Weston heavy but only because we can finally see his face and of course I had to share the ones of him and Pat.

Sunday 9/19/10

Oh my, what a great day!!!!! Seriously today was the first day since these little boys were born that Pat and I took a sigh of relief in knowing they were BOTH going to be ok....

We called this morning and got our times for visiting and they gave us some quick updates on the boys. We found out that Weston was able to finally come off of the lights for his jaundice!!! No more sunglasses, one less thing on his tiny frame, so we were really looking forward to seeing him today and they said they would hold off on Jamison's bottle (every other feeding gets one, the rest are done by the feeding tube alone) so we could give it to him during our visit.

So I start getting ready when Pat's phone rings.... its the hospital, I panic thinking the worst because they never call..... it was Jamison's nurse..... letting us know that if we would like to dress him today we could bring him in an outfit :) It was sweet of her to call and of course I couldn't pass up the opportunity to dress him for the first time. The only requirement was it could have no feet (that is where his IV is) so we went with an adorable little "Mommy Loves Me" onesie with matching hat, (thank you Grandma) he looked adorable in it!! I only have a few preemie sized things since I was not expecting them this early and this was the only one with out little feet in it, this means I want to go shopping for some others, nothing too crazy just a few shirts or onesies.... as typical Pat wants me to wait and let him wear the clothes the hospital will provide... I will keep you posted on who wins that battle :)

Our visit with him today was great, after getting him in his new clothes (he wasn't too fond of being dressed.. I am sure he gets this from his daddy) he took a his bottle like a champ and was so sweet while I held him. The Dr. came by and said she expected him to be in the next nursery probably by Wednesday... little J will officially have his first "graduation" :)

Now for our Mr. Weston.... seeing him today was honestly like seeing a whole different baby... his color was great, we could see his little eyes, his breathing was better and it was so comforting to really see a huge improvement. I can't even express how good it felt to see him look so much healthier. However..poor little thing... took after his momma in one aspect for sure.... he had to get a suppository to help him go poo poo. Sorry baby :( Pat and I have been switching off and on for who gets to hold him and yesterday was Pats day but when the nurse offered to let me "kangaroo" with the baby I passed on my turn so Pat could really get some snuggle time in (for the record it kills me to not hold him but I have already gotten lucky enough to kangaroo with each baby and it just feels like a special time compared to just holding them in your arms so I wanted to be sure Pat got to experience it to, he loved it) . The baby already looks so small, but on Pats big ole chest he looked extra tiny. Weston's vitals were perfect the whole time and he just snoozed right on through so I think he was loving it too. I know I have mentioned this before, about how much he likes to hold things in his hand, well as soon as he got on his daddys chest he took the hospital gown (every time you hold a baby even if its skin to skin they have you throw one on) and he wrapped the fabric all up in his miniature hand and just held it, after a bit he grabbed the tie to the gown instead, it really is adorable :) Of course I have plenty of pictures so I will post them soon. The best part of the visit was the nurse had to change his Cpap adapter and she let us both see his little face. We had not seen him except for the seconds after he was born when they brought him over to meet us before whisking him away to the NICU and of course the one picture I had of the Dr. holding him up, but hadn't "seen" or really got to "look" at him since and it was so exciting to finally see his whole face. He is so sweet and in all honesty as much as I think Jamison looks like Pat, and I think the boys look a little bit alike but I really think Weston will be Pat's mini-me. He has his exact shaped mouth and cheeks. Babies change alot in the beginning so I guess we'll see if I still think that a few months from now :)

I can't believe as of tomorrow our boys are one week old!! It has been a crazy roller coaster so far but I am sooooo thankful for them both, they are truly our little miracle babies!!

Video Time

Here is Jamison with a case of the hiccups... poor kid :)

Baby Pictures :)

Saturday 9/18/10

Let me first apologize for my misspellings and errors on the last few posts.. I tried to fix most of them but I am sure I missed a few. I was so exhausted but I wanted to be sure to get all caught up so I didn't miss or forget anything so I wrote out all the post in one sitting and kept falling asleep while typing :) Now that I am more caught up I am hoping I will be better.... although I am not any less tired so who knows hahahaha.

We called on our boys this morning to get the best time to visit and the nurse let us know that if we get there at 11:30 we could give little Jamison his bottle :) Pat was pretty happy since he had missed the day before and also staked claim on holding him when we got there. Of course being the new momma I want to do everything but I have no problem stepping aside and letting Pat enjoy the baby time.... it is almost as nice watching him bond with them as it is when I am doing it myself.

We got there right on time and I got to change his diaper and get him all ready for Pat. They handed him the baby and the nurse explained the feeding to him and was warning us that he may have trouble or be a bit lazy with his bottle since the nurse the night before I guess seemed to have a hard time getting him to take it... well that was not the case today!!! Pat plopped the bottle in his tiny little mouth and it was gone in 30 seconds, honestly he ate it as if it were his last meal... maybe he just didn't like the nurse he had the night before, he is a great eater for his mommy and daddy :) Best part... after the bottle was done and Pat was snuggling with him he turned his head, mouth open, tongue out and started rooting around on Pat chest looking for some more food, sorry kiddo, daddys boobies won't be much help hahaha. She let us have so much time with him that for once both of us were able to hold him during the same visit... we loved it... and he was so alert for us, just looking around checking everything out. She also said that in the next 2-3 days he should be able to get his IV out!!! Great news! It is the last step before he moves into a lower level NICU, they call them the "growers & feeders", the goal there is just to get them to the point where they can go home!! That will be an amazing day :) Oh and the little guy got hiccups again while we were there, I got it on video, hopefully tomorrow I can upload it :)

Little Weston was still recouping from his picc line procedure this morning so we just peaked at him through the glass. She said he had been doing well with just a few "spells" through the day. They have decreased his fluid in the IV and the level of humidity in his bed to try to help bring the pressure off of the valve in his heart to see if that will maybe stimulate it to close.... good news there, it seems to be helping him breath. He was looking much less labored and his levels were just overall a bit better. I am praying this does the trick for him. They are going to re- check the valve in about 4 days to see how he is doing :)

Being Saturday we decided to make a second trip to the hospital for a visit...
Jamison was up first since it was just a peak and when we got there we saw him for the first time.... wearing a T-Shirt!!! It was so cute, a tiny white long sleeve number, kinda like a toga style, up till now he was a little naked baby. We had our hands in his bed just talking to him and touching his little head when his neighbors parents came.............. the nurses asked them if they wanted to hold their baby and they said "no we aren't feeling very well we don't want to get him sick" Pat and I looked at each other and shut both the doors to Jamison's bed... what idiots!!!! I can't believe the nurses let them stay in the room!!! You sign a paper when you walk in saying you aren't sick why on earth they would risk getting the other babies sick is beyond me... yes sure their baby was safely in its enclosed bed but not all the babies are closed in. There are 92 in the NICU some as little as 10 oz!! Getting a cold or simple "bug" could kill them and I am sure they wouldn't appreciate if some sick person breathed all over their baby!! Stupid!! Anyway, sorry for my rant there.... we closed up our baby so he didn't get any germs & went over to see his brother.......

Weston's nurse today is great!! She was the same as I had the day before and had let me hold him for so long. Since she had already changed his diaper & bandages from the picc line so she offered to let us hold him :) Its weird waiting for someone to OK when you can touch & hold your baby but I know its for the best... this particular nurse really likes babies to be held by their parents (to bad I couldn't have her all the time) so she's super helpful. Pat had only held Weston once it was his turn again tonight and the little guy stretched and opened hi eyes for us... we hadn't seen them much since he always has his "sunglasses" on to protect his eyes from the jaundice lights so it was nice to see a bit more of his little face.... now if we could just get rid of the cpap we could see his whole face for once :)

We gave a quick call into the nurses this evening to find out they were able to take Weston's little cup thing off, it was the one that they were using to take out extra air from his tummy, such great news! One less tube in his stomach and one less thing hanging off his tiny body. He had also not had any spells in a few hours!! Keep fighting little guy you are doing a great job!!!!

Looking forward to seeing them tomorrow! In the mean time I am off to have my nipples ripped up by that ever so gentle thing they call the breast pump........ its all for a good cause :)

Friday 9/16/10

What a day...

I got to go see the boys this morning (Pats mom drove me, she is leaving tomorrow morning) and it was a great visit.

Jamison is doing so well they have now taken him off of the lights!!! Yay!!! Then she told me they would be trying him on a bottle again... Yay!!! Then she said I could give it to him!!! YAY! YAY! YAY!!! He handled it like a champ, I squeezed a tiny drop of milk out onto his lips and that was it, 30 sec (it was a very small amount) the bottle was empty!! I snuggled him until it was time to see his brother...........

Weston... poor little guy, he had a few more "episodes" through the night and his chest X-ray wasn't looking good so they ordered a few extra labs, they also had decided on putting the Picc line in today as well... my poor baby :( the nurse was sweet and offered to let me hold him since after getting the Picc line we wouldn't be able to for at least 24 hours and then she looked at my shirt and decided that since it was a V-neck she could tuck him inside and let us do the kangaroo hold.. my tiny little man laid on my chest sucking away on a pacifier with a million wires and the Cpap and yet he was so content. He had his little hand stretched out onto my neck and was touching my skin (he likes to feel things) and his rates all improved tremendously, so much that we were supposed to only do it for 20 minutes but since he was doing so well I got to keep him there for about 45 minutes... probably could have gone longer but he started to fuss and I became totally helpless... I didn't know what to do to make him feel better and all of these things are all over the place.... but nonetheless I enjoyed every second of finally having my baby close to me. When my visit was over the Dr called to give me his lab results and said that Weston has a little valve outside his heart that hadn't closed the way they its supposed to.... this explains some of the trouble he is having breathing (too much blood flowing to lungs) for now they will watch it, if it doesn't get better they will use a medication and if that doesn't help they will do surgery... please pray that is not the case :(

Pat and I went back for a visit tonight and checked on Jamison who was doing great and sleeping away but when we called over to see if it was ok to go see Weston they were actually inserting his Picc line then... Pat told our nurse "that little guy keeps breaking my heart.." which breaks mine to know that not just my baby but my poor hubby is suffering and to know that right in the next room they are working on him... ugh!!! it was hard.... so we didn't get to see him tonight.... we called right before bed and they said the procedure went well which is all we could hope for at this point and in the long term it will keep him from getting stuck over and over as his IV's fail... Hoping tomorrow his breathing will have improved enough to come of of Cpap and go to just the nose tube oxygen.... fingers crossed...

Thursday 9/15/10

Discharge day....

I went down early morning before I was discharged to spend some quality time with the boys.

Jamison- no big changes, still under the jaundice lights, and they added some more feedings.. he is doing great!! I loved holding my little man and helping out with his care. He got the hiccups and it made me laugh because of how often he had them in my belly.. the best part is he hiccups super loud!!! To hear such a loud noise from such a little man it hysterical! I also got to hear his first little sneeze! Adorable!!!

Weston- I got to see him for awhile and hold his hands and touch his little head... he is still under a significant amount of the jaundice lights, he is tolerating his food ok and is still struggling a bit with his breathing. He had yet another IV site go (there were a few since last time) and they are talking to us about doing a picc line... it goes right into hit vein into a main artery if needed and they said they would keep us posted... I sat and watched him and talked to him and... he too got the hiccups :)

We got everything together and we went down for a quick goodbye to the kids before leaving the hospital....Weston had an "episode" for the first time while we were at his bedside... it was the worst feeling and site I have ever been around for our baby's heart practically stopped right in front of us :( Pat and I were both so so so worried but they were able to bring his heart rate back up pretty quickly after stimulating him with some firm touches.... we left.... both of us so upset... you never want to see a baby suffer but when they have so much going on their little tiny frames already this was like the last thing you would want to see...........

For me the thought of going home was prety nice since I hadn't even breathed outside air for 7 weeks but knowing we were leaving our babies behind was heartwrenching... I would go in spells of being happy to be free in the regular world and then tears becuase of everything going on :( When I got home and saw all of their little baby things ready for them in the house and they were empty I lost it.... I tried to make myself feel a little better by getting a quick haircut.. great idea until I walked in and the lady noticed my arm bands(must wear until babies are home) and asked how old my baby was... when I told her three days and she looked at me funny and asked where they were... I couldn't hold it together I choked out "in the hospital"... needless to say she didn't ask anymore questions...... all the way up until bedtime every few minutes I would cry, knowing they weren't with us to blaming myself to just crying out of exhaustion it was a rough first night...

Wednesday 9/15/10

Jamison- He was doing so well they decided to try to give him a tiny bit of bottle unfortunately he wasn't able to figure out the suck/swallow/breathing out but the good news is this was a huge step for them to even attempt with him, usually they wait till 34 weeks so this was great. He was still on the lights for his jaundice but was doing really well. Pat and I went down for our visit and the nurses said since he was doing so well we could do some skin to skin time (also known as kangaroo time) !!! I was so happy I would be able to hold him close (plus they say it helps you milk supply and I was working so hard at that I would try anything to help). What I didn't know was that I needed a button up shirt so I could lay him on my chest.. but it was ok I had a tank top on and we wiggled him right on in for a modified kangaroo hold :)... he was doing awesome. He was also eating more, taking mostly my breastmilk but a tiny bit of formula as well :) Grow baby grow!!!!

Weston- Was pretty stable through the night and day so Daddy was finally able to hold his tiny little Weston. It was extremely hard for Pat, he is so small and frail and he has so much on him it makes if easy to fear hurting him, between the Cpap machine the glasses to protect his eyes from the lights, the heart monitor, the oxygen monitor the respiration monitor, his IV (arm taped to a board to keep it strait) feeding tube and a little can type thing that helps kep to much air from getting in his belly.... its really hard to see it on such a tiny little person. Pat hates to see him suffer (as do I of course) and being a man he would love nothing more then to "fix" him. He is on a double dose of lights for his jaundice so he is getting it from both angles and is still on the Cpap to help him breath (still struggling, his little chest gets so concaved when he breaths it looks like it hurts him although they tell us it doesn't, but he is getting tiny bits of breastmilk and formula through his feeding tube.

This was my last night in the hospital so I took advantage and decided to add one late night visit in (NICU is 24-7) and I called down to the nurses to get the best time so I could help with the most of their care... if you time it right they let you take the temps, change the diaper and sometimes hold them so I was thrilled when I was able to squeak in some really good quality time with both babies... I got to do all of that with Jamison and then again all of it with Weston :) It is harder then I can possibly explain to see one baby thrive so well while one baby fights so much just to breath.

Tuesday 9/14/10

We called down to check on our boys and I learned that both of our babies had inherited traits from their daddy...

Jamison- Stubborn- he hated his Cpap and kept pulling it out... they tried him on oxygen in his nose, he pulled it out too... they tried him with nothing and he did great :) He is breathing all on his own!!! Pretty amazing for how little and young he is!!! He obviously doesn't like things on his face and was having no part of it until they took it all off!

Weston- Strong- this boy will kick his little legs until he is up on his side, if you let him hold your finger he will squeeze it super tight... he is a fighter and lord knows this is a good quality for him to have...

The nurses told us that he had pulled out his IV (I had told the nurse the night before it was to tight, she agreed and then left it there... next time I will throw a tantrum until they fix it) because of this little set back we weren't allowed to hold him :(

This was the day daddy got to hold his little man Jamison for the first time.. since I was a baby hog the night before (we are only able to hold them for such a short period of time it makes it so its either daddy or mommy that get to hold them, not both of us... but Jamison looked so so tiny in Pat's big ole arms... The nurse also let Pat change his diaper... I watched, he gave it a good effort and then gave up, he tried though :) Jamison is under the light for jaundice, his levels are slightly elevated so this should help him move right along :)

We visited Weston together and watched him as he held his wires in his hand, ran his miniature fingers against the plastic of his bed and let him hold each of our fingers as we talked to him and let him know we were there.. it was a killer to not hold him too :( He is also extremely bruised from birth, his little legs are purple... they said its because breech babies are harder to get out and since he is so tiny he bruises easily.. so they have him under the lights to help with his blood levels and jaundice as well, the bruising puts such a strain on his little system he needs some extra help :(

Oh and we asked soooooo many people for a special exception for Grandma to meet her grandsons and after getting a social worker involved she was able to have a few minutes with the boys (very few but she did at least get to take a peak) I was so happy she at least got to see them although I wish it was for more time............

Overall it was a pretty good day for them both. I was still recovering from my c-section... note to future mommies... when the nurses ask you if they can check your bleeding.. know that IT WILL HURT.. you think when they say this they are just going to pop open your undies and take a peak but what they really means is they are going to practically punch you in the belly and watch how much blood shoots out your girlie parts.

Monday- 9/13/10 32 weeks......

My guess is by now most of you already know that our boys decided to make an early appearance....I am sorry it has taken me awhile to update the blog and give you all the whole story but I will make up for it I promise. With the boys still in the hospital I will try my best to give at least some daily updates on them... although forgive me in advance if they are short :)

After my last post I had started having some round ligament pain on my left side, like a bad stretching sensation... it kind of came and went through most of the weekend and on Sunday night was a little worse so the nurse gave me some tylenol so I could get a little sleep.. (of course we checked there were no contractions at all this pain often starts at 32 weeks because the babies are going through a bit of a growth spurt). Monday morning I am feeling pretty great and in walks my favorite nurse.. K... I hadn't actually had her as my nurse for weeks at this point (we just mostly visited when she had other patients hahaha) so I was super excited that it would be a fun day... she leaves to go take vitals and I told her I would shower so I would be ready for them as well when she gets back.... I take a nice shower, take my typical Monday belly shot photo for the blog, I was after all, officially 32 weeks.... so I am standing in the bathroom phone in hand... it rings a FL # and just as I answer it I felt a huge gush of water run down my leg.... ( for the record it was my old Dr.'s office... poor girl I said, I think my water just broke and hung up on her)... This was 9:00 am.

I panic... two reasons 1) I am in complete shock and can not believe this just happened and 2) was mostly certain but not 100% certain that it was my water and was a bit petrified that maybe I just peed myself???? I heard lots of woman accidentally do and think its their water and I was mortified that maybe thats what happened and my nurse (and friend) K was going to realize think I was a freak or something... I call her on the phone and said "Kerri oh my God I think my water just broke... I am leaking..." she was there in 5 sec (I tried to hurry and brush my teeth so when she walked in she said "ok first go spit and second get in bed") the next few minutes was pretty unbelievable... all of the wonderful nurses I had being chatting and joking with for weeks were all business, my room was swarming with them cords flying monitors getting strapped on... then K says "you need to take off your pants.... still not 100% all of the fuss wasn't for nothing I was a little hesitant to whip out the goods and I was like "K, but its you.." of course I had to take them off anyway and just as I went to shimmy them down more gushing of fluid and from that point the fluid never stopped coming.. as you can probably tell... I didn't pee myself........... oh and K was very impressed I kept up the landscaping down there..... gotta love nurses :) They see it all...

I had not called Pat yet becuuse we weren't certain we would be delivering as they have ways to prolong a pregnancy even after the water breaks (the wonders of modern medicine). The boys were tolerating everything ok as their vitals were good but when Dr. Khoury (he runs the whole practice I have been seeing) came in and saw my history with my scarring and abdominal surgery he said it was safest for everyone if we delivered right then... he said it would be far to risky for me to have an emergency c-section later.. thanks goodness he did because about 5 minutes (and a few panicky calls to Pat and our family) later I got up to pee and both babies heart rate dropped to dangerously low levels which caused another panic, mostly from me but my poor K was freaking out a bit too.... luckily they were able to bring them back and get me downstairs... just as they were wheeling me down Pat got to the hospital... I can honestly say this was like a surreal dream... I couldn't believe it was happening, I was excited to meet the boys but so scarred because it was soooooo early... Pat was a rock, I am thinking it was shock but he kept me fairly calm.... even after I asked him 13487509580984 times if his mom was coming and if he called my dad. We are grown-ups and can handle almost anything by ourselves but I can whole hearted say all I wanted was our parents, it was really scary to feel like we were all on our own at one of the biggest events of our lives and with my history the more the Dr's were preparing for the more worried I became (when they started mentioning I was anemic and they were going to be sure to have plenty of blood on hand and the cancer Dr's were on call in case they run into problems with my bowels... yep I freaked again started shaking like a leaf).

I went back first to get my spinal... the Dr was FABULOUS!!! I was still waiting for the poke and my legs went nub... didn't even know it was in :) The Dr's started working on my belly and then Pat finally came in.. it was the happiest I have ever been to see him. Poor guy will probably kill me if he reads this, but I am pretty sure this was when everything hit him. When he walked into the room I could tell he had been crying, his eyes were glassy, swollen and red.. but he was back to being strong for me... until about 1 minute later and they held "Baby A" up and we heard the sweetest cry ever (yes I know everyone thinks that, but really it was the sweetest) and we both cried I just couldn't believe that was my son.... it took a few minutes for my liitle "Baby B" to come out as he was breech and unfortunately that cry didn't happen at first, of course we both panicked at the "why isn't he crying" and it really felt like an eternity but we finally heard a few squeaks and cries from him... we got a quick peek before they whisked them off to the NICU- Daddy along with them while they finished putting me back together... Oh and let me mention before going into surgery we were all pretty certain it had ben Weston's water that broke since he had the problems with having too much.... well when I was opened low and behold we learned it was actually Jamison who had broken his water...... so much for always being the easy baby :)

Baby A- Jamison Thomas Crockett 3lbs 11oz, 16 3/4 inches long, born at 12:05 pm Apgar score 8/8
Baby B- Weston Patrick Crockett 3lbs 7 oz, 15 1/2 inches long, born at 12:06 pm Apgar score 3/7

Overall recovery went well, minus a big battle with nausea/vomiting from the meds and all of the prodding but really overall it was great. Pat showed me some pictures and told me about them and how Weston has the Adams' chin... I couldn't wait to see them. Pat picked up his mom from the airport to bring her back to the hospital for a quick visit which is when we got the crappy news that because of Flu season and a MRSA scare the only people in the NICU were parents. I felt so bad that she wouldn't see them :( At around 10:00 that night Pat was finally able to wheel me down to see my babies... they were both so tiny with the wires and the Cpap machine it was a little overwhelming... I have always pictured scooping up my newborn to hug and love on them and to see my little babies so small and not even sure if I would be able to hold them was so different then I expected.... however the nurses were great and very sensitive to our new parent fears. The boys are in separate rooms, we went to Weston's first ( no favoritism it was closer) and I was able to hold my little Weston for the first time.. he was a peanut but had so many wires and the breathing help, we really couldn't see his little face.. and since he wasn't as stable they hadn't washed him up yet from birth so poor little guy was a bit of a mess.. When we got to Jamison's room I got to hold him the first time as well.. he also had the Cpap on his tiny face but had a bath and we could see his light blond hair and little features .... and it was over... they stole our hearts in seconds.....